To Carry On

To Carry On
Date of Scene:	05 January 2024
Location:	Atrium - Jedi Temple - Coruscant
Synopsis:	Annelia and Cayde converse on the way back to the Temple.
Cast of Characters:	Cayde Alexis, Annelia Belask

---

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    While Drinna is busy with finishing up arrangements with Volken, one of the office administrators approaches Annelia. "Uh, hey. I think the kid is passed out in Talstri's office." he tells her, glancing over at Drinna's cubicle. Sure enough, it seems Cayde is unconscious on the floor under the chair. "I didn't know if you wanted to check on him or anything..."

Annelia Belask has posed:
    A frown from the knight, and she nods to the messenger. "Take me to him? My first time in this facility."

    As she's lead inside, she strides briskly across the room to gather the boy up and go over a routine checklist of health checks for the unconscious- breath, signs of head or neck trauma, and so on.

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Fortunately, there doesn't seem to be any signs of trauma. At least, nothing physical. Perhaps he'd just overexerted himself earlier. While she is checking, his eyes flutter open as he regains consciousness, although he still looks somewhat dazed.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    She nods slightly, rising back to her feet and offering the teen her hand to stand and get his blood moving again. The hand is rather strong, and calloused from countless hours in the Temple's training rooms.

    "Can you move? I do not know if you know me, Padawan, but delving too deep into *this* may be handled better back at the temple."

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde takes the offered hand and stands up, nodding. [Thank you] he signs.

    Well, he seems all right now. Physically, anyway. There is a heaviness about him, though...he's still feeling upset with himself over the loss of control earlier.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    Nodding slightly, she turns and moves to lead the way, giving the young man a few long moments to gather himself- and get to a more private locale before discussing in any depth.

    Once aboard a transport, she looks at him quietly. She almost goes to speak again, before catching herself and offering: [I am not sure what words I can offer you. heless, if you. My talent for the Force was never... strong enough for those sorts of problems. But nonetheless, if you would like to discuss, I am here.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde stares out the window of the transport for a while as the city zips by, looking despondent. He looks to Annelia when she offers counsel. But how could he expect her to understand?

    The young Jedi sighs. [I could have hurt him...and others] he signs.

Annelia Belask has posed:
Ann nods slowly, hm-ing softly to herself. She ponders for a few moments, sitting upright against the back of her seat with arms crossed.

    Eventually, she comes to something to say. [Do you know why we give training sabers to the younglings? A full lightsaber is a terrifying weapon. We give them training ones not out of a lack of belief in them. It is to give them the space to make mistakes- to fail, without undue harm. Because it is natural for us to be... flawed, imperfect, and unready. There is no training form of this gift. You will make mistakes- this is certain. I made many at your age. It is how we learn. It is good, to be concerned for potential harm. But forgive yourself your mortality. It is a lesson I have had to think on much.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde nods...it was true. There was no 'training mode' for this. That was the problem, though. One could always practice lightsaber forms with batons or training sabers. Or telekinesis with expendable objects. Unfortunately there was no 'training dummy' for a sentient being. Besides that, the consequences of these kinds of mistakes had the potential to be much more far-reaching...

    The mind was such a terrible thing to lose.

    He ponders all of that for a few moments, unsure of how to put everything to words. [But my failures will cause harm] he finally signs.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    She nods slightly, glancing out the window a moment thoughtfully. She exhales slowly.

    [As a jedi, that is a reality all too often... and largely inevitable. As I made mention, there is no shame in regret or feeling sad. I just worry- because it happened to me at times for my own reasons... you not let it stop you from grappling with this challenge. The best thing my master ever did for me, before his... untimely passing. Was to guide me to engage with the things I find difficult. Take some time, if you need. But for all that I am only recently knighted... I would like to think I can carry on such teachings. Consider me available, if you require a partner or subject to practice or exercise with.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde shakes his head quickly. No, no he couldn't just -use- anyone like that. It could cause serious harm. Exactly why there weren't any 'training dummies' for this sort of thing.

    But he tries shifting the focus away from himself. [I am sorry about your master] he signs, thinking about how hard that must have been.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    Annelia's hands move as if to respond to his head shaking- then she goes silent as the shift happens.

    [He was a fine jedi. Vokra Gaiss, if the name has crossed your path. In many ways all the finest qualities of a Jedi- clever, diplomatic, capable, and discerning. Made me the person I am. It was not so long ago- perhaps a week now, since the trials, which I engaged upon returning with his remains. The travel was... a ponderous time. But much as the code says... one must find peace.]

    She gives something of an intentful look with those last signs.

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde nods, watching her expression as she describes her master. Maybe he shouldn't ask this, but he can't help wanting to know. [What happened]

Annelia Belask has posed:
    A pause from Ann, and she tilts her head, considering. She exhales slowly.

    [We were attached to the escorts of a trade route negotiation. A local gang that had accrued power and influence faster than was thought preferred to maintain monopoly. They had heavy armaments and weapons abound- set on something akin to a civil war to take more direct control in the system. We joined the fight back- the part I am good at, honestly. [We were unable to out-maneuver them, they had employed counter-intelligence specialists. An ambush, near the spaceport. [We were separated in the fray, and he was overwhelmed before we could retreat. I returned at night, later, to retrieve his body.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    [But he fought well] Cayde replies, nodding once she finishes telling the story. [And he taught well]

    Every Jedi knew that dying for the cause was always a possibility. None of them would still be with the Order if they hadn't accepted it.

    [Now you will carry on]

Annelia Belask has posed:
    A wry sort of smirk on the older jedi's face at Cayde's response, and she nods.

    [That I will. As will you, I will remind.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    [Of course I will] Cayde answers, nodding again as the transport finally makes a landing at the stop in the Federal District nearest the Temple.

    Annelia will suddenly feel a...warm sort of aura, and somehow there is a notion that he's grateful for her counsel. Not many would mind him so intently, and he often gets ignored.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    A pause from Ann as she considers the sensation- and she nods slightly.

    She strides out of the transport quietly for the moment, eyes closing a moment as she listens to the crowd. She looks back over her shoulder after a moment, a slight furrow in her brow. [Are you apprenticed to any elder, padawan?]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde follows her out, nodding when she asks if he's apprenticed to anyone. [Master Voss...] he signs, but then sighs. [But she is away] he tells her, wondering to himself if perhaps she had decided to become a Wayseeker. Or was considering it.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    Nodding at that, Ann turns to continue walking for the temple, silent for a moment.

    [I think she might enjoy hearing tell of your focus on the health and proper handling of a wounded prisoner.] She offers a friendly sort of smile with that. [Your head, by the way? Any better by now?]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    [I will tell her] Cayde answers, nodding.

    He follows her toward the Temple, looking a bit confused on that second question. [I am not hurt] he signs.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    [You were dazed when you woke. It is worth minding your state of being. Take it from someone who did too little of that at your age.]

    As demonstration, she slides her light brown sleeve up her arm- revealing a notable series of old scars of wide variety- the treatment appears to be in-the-moment aid of... varying quality, and some showing signs to the medically trained eye of having been re-opened at least once after the fact.

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    [I was just tired] Cayde tells her. Perhaps it was true, but if he was tired enough to pass out...well he must be very good at ignoring discomfort.

    He peers at the scars on her arms. The padawan doesn't have the expertise to know that they've been reopened before, but they do look like they were the result of some pretty bad injuries. [Fight against gang] he signs, assuming those were from the fateful day.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    [Training as a padawan myself, mostly. Still hurt or get stiff at times, and I am not so far older than you.]

    She shrugs with the last, waving it off. [A thick skin for physical pain, as they say. Caused some problems for me over the years- and peers as well. Good to be *able* to push through... not so good to do it all the time.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde nods at her explanation, continuing to follow her up into the Temple atrium. It seemed the two of them had a few things in common, at least.

    Still. [I am okay] he insists.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    A slight nod, and Ann lets the matter drop for the time being.

    [Well, I am glad to hear it. Do consider my offer, once you have had some time. Better to develop the control, in my mind. Do not feel compelled to listen to me prattle on, however, if you've things to tend to at the temple. And if so, my regards to your master when next you do see her.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde shakes his head. [Not prattle] he signs. Certainly, she'd offered some valuable advice.

    [Offer] he repeats, arching a brow at her. Had she made some kind of offer, and he'd missed it somehow?

Annelia Belask has posed:
    [For you to practice, as I mentioned on the ship,] she answers, head tilting slightly.     [But, well, do not take it as a manner of pressure either. The exercise mindset gets the better of me at times.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Oh...that. Cayde looks away. No, he...couldn't possibly subject anyone to that. [Too dangerous] he signs, shaking his head.

    [But other practice] he nods, sure that she must be very good with a lightsaber. [Lightsaber forms...words...] She may have noticed he isn't very good with the latter.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    [Now sabers... those I have practiced well,] she answers with something resembling a smirk. [Certainly, if you would like to spend the time.]

    She glances down at the Saber on her hip, nodding a little. Certainly she has the physique and casual grace to suggest it.

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Truthfully, words are what he needs more practice with. But that's always been somewhat of an embarrassing fact. So he just nods vaguely. [Thank you] he signs.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    She pauses then, sighing softly before looking off into one of the side rooms of the temple for a moment.

    [As for the other item... well. Words were perhaps Master Gaiss's specialty more than mine. I was an odd selection of padawan for him. Perhaps you can tell- I have no sense of brevity in signed forms because I don't know the shorthands enough. But practice and all that, no? Come have a chat any time for that as well.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    [No you are normal] Cayde tells her. He knows he's the one with the verbal skills of a small child.

    Suddenly, he draws Ann into a quick embrace, to show his appreciation for her candor and willingness to listen.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    That... throws the older Jedi, the whole of her stiffening a moment as she blinking a few times. Still, after a moment, she places hands on the padawan's shoulders lightly before nodding, a rather different cast to the furrow of her brow this time.

    "Normal is... not the word," she says aloud, with a chuckle. She shrugs it off then as she straightens up.

    [Though if you would like a remarkable accelerant in the process of working on vocabulary... Medical and strategic documents in the archives will certainly have you make fine use of your linguistic documents.] she adds with a wry, knowing sort of smirk that makes all too clear just how she personally felt about many of those long hours in her time.

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde pats her lightly on the shoulder as he pulls away. In the back of his mind he's hoping he didn't offend her with that unexpected embrace. He'd always had to rely on...other self-expressive methods, of which telepathy was only one.

    [I have read them...] he begins, when she mentions the boring documents. It wasn't that he didn't know the words...he frowns pensively, not quite sure how to explain it to her.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    She pauses again at that, frowning and looking off to the side for a few moments. [Stop me if I am off the mark. But perhaps something like when I reach to the Force. I can touch it, obviously, I am in the Order. I have my skills. But it does not... flow? There is some knack missing, or something to that effect. Things that seem to spill forth from even younglings a third my age require more focus, more effort. Something perhaps more akin to that?]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde nods. [Somewhat] he signs, frowning as he still continues to try coming up with a way to explain it with those things called words.

    [It is natural for most...but not for me] he finally says. [The Force is easier...but more dangerous]

Annelia Belask has posed:
    A slight nod from Annelia, and she crosses her arms more thoughtfully than guardedly. [I will not pretend to have experience with an -overabundance- of facility with the Force. My world is much more physical, and particularly auditory. I wish I could speak to it more strongly. I do hope you are able to make some peace here. I would hate to see concern over these risks push you to limit yourself.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    [But if I do not...] Cayde sighs. Then, bad things would happen. Like what happened earlier, with Volken. [...others may be hurt] And that's the best explanation he can give.

    [I hope...I did not offend earlier] he signs, hoping she'll understand that he meant the hug.

Annelia Belask has posed:
    [Perhaps this is my more limited perspective on your situation... but would refining your control not be preferable to leaving this loose within you, undisicplined?] she suggests, brow raising.

    The comment on offense does, admittedly, seem to draw a blank.

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Cayde nods. [That is what I must do] Of course, easier said than done. There weren't...many who were as attuned to that application of the Force as he is.

    But when she seems confused about what he meant regarding an offense, he again doesn't seem to know how to put whatever he's thinking into words. He just stands there, staring awkwardly for a few seconds...

Annelia Belask has posed:
    She shakes her head, exhaling a breath of a chuckle at that. [Perhaps I get caught up in thinking in terms of Jedi sometimes myself. It is your teen years. There are some natural anxieties and such. Rest easy. I have heard and dealt with much worse than whatever you may be imagining within these very halls.]

Cayde Alexis has posed:
    Well, that is another thing that Cayde has often struggled with. Resting. It was difficult, especially if others nearby were restless for one reason or another. [I will try] he signs, shrugging.

    Then, [I must study] He starts to turn away, but then tries re-phrasing that. [I should...study...] he nods. [Thank you...Ann] Hopefully he's allowed to call her that?

Annelia Belask has posed:
    [A good habit to be in,] Annelia signs back, nodding to the padawan slightly. No sign that the use of the shorthand offends her. But then, if any general knowledge about her is to be believed, she leans towards the pragmatic to begin with. [A pleasure to better acquaint with you, Cayde. Feel free to come speak or train as you please- though in fair forewarning, I do not do my physical training lightly. I am sure you will find the other side of these concerns in time.]

    With that she turns and goes herself, at the same brisk walk she used earlier in the day... Though it stops once she's around a corner and out of sight and earshot- releasing a deeply-held portion of her breath in a heavy sigh, eyes closing for a long moment. The binding is pulled from her hair to let it tumble as she makes her way to tend her own affairs.